1 Corinthians 7:2-5
Ps Paul Cheng
~7 min read
Dear Bethelites,
In the previous pastoral chat, we had considered how Paul was answering the questions concerning singleness and marriage. Should one remain single or get married? Is it better to be single or married? He first dealt with all the misconceptions about singlehood, and that it is actually a good thing to be single. The truth of the matter was that both singlehood and marriage were proper God-given gifts and therefore subjected to His will. Subsequently, Paul moved on to speak about being married.
It is good to be married
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2)
Here, Paul was not saying that every Corinthian church member was immoral, but rather the danger of fornication for those who were single. If the sexual desires were unfulfilled, there could be a strong temptation to sexual immorality for those who were unmarried. He was not suggesting that therefore Christians should go out and find someone to marry purely to avoid fornication. He had a much higher view of marriage than that.
Fundamentally, God has ordained marriage for four reasons; (1) companionship (for it is not good for man to be alone), (2) mutual helpfulness (Eve was to be a help meet for Adam), procreation (that the two shall be fruitful and multiply) and (4) avoid fornication. Thus, the sexual relationship is only one part of the marriage union.
In order to understand why marriage is a good thing, one has to consider what kind of a union is marriage;
Marriage is a union that can help avoid fornication – avoid fornication.
The sexual relationship within marriage is a blessed union. This is the only sexual union that God has given to mankind that is not considered fornication. It is lawful, blessed and ordained by God. Every other sexual union is fornication; they are sinful because the sexual relationship before marriage is fornication, and the sexual relationship outside marriage is adultery. Only the sexual relationship within marriage is permitted by God and not sinful, therefore it can help avoid fornication.
Marriage is an exclusive union – let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
One cannot and must not take someone else’s husband or wife. It is a lifetime union; one man, one woman, for life, till death us do part. One must remain sexually faithful to the other until the latter dies, and then the former is free to marry again, if it is the Lord’s will.
Marriage is a responsible union.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife (1 Corinthians 7:3-4).
In the physical realm, our body is our own, and we have to take care of it, and to use it as a gift from God. In the spiritual realm, we understand that our bodies belong entirely to God. In the marital realm, our bodies belong to each other; we have become one flesh as husband and wife.
There is this mutual obligation and mutual authority over our bodies. So, we must live our lives in this body, not only to fulfil our own desires, but also the desires of our own husband or wife. It is our responsibility to satisfy the desires of our husband or wife. Apparently, there were some Corinthians who had this erroneous belief that they were spiritually more superior when they abstained from sexual relationships, even within marriage. In a way, they were practising ‘celibacy’ within marriage. Perhaps, some of them were married when they were unbelievers, and then they became believers after marriage, but their spouses were still unbelievers, and so they had the thinking that by uniting themselves with their unbelieving spouses, they were defiling themselves.
God holds all marriages to be sacred, and He holds the sexual relationship between the husband and wife to be sacred as well. In abstaining from sexual relationships within marriage, they had neglected their responsibilities to their husbands and wives.
Let us recap the four reasons why God had ordained marriage; companionship, mutual helpfulness, procreation and avoid fornication. If anyone abstains from having a sexual relationship with his spouse, at least he is refusing to fulfil two of the reasons for which marriage was ordained; procreation and avoid fornication.
The sexual relationship must never be used as a form of punishment or “bargaining tool.” Some spouses would say, “If you do not do this, or if you do not buy that for me, or if you come home late from work again. You do not dream of coming to bed with me tonight.” Please do not do that, for that is not a godly mindset!
At the same time, this passage cannot be used in a selfish, demanding, unthoughtful or unkind way. One must never say to his or her spouse uncaringly, “Don’t you know that your body belongs to me.”
By the marriage covenant, God has given the couple to each other; their bodies must be used to fulfil the needs and desires of the other person in a most godly and loving way.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Corinthians 7:5)
The phrase defraud ye not one the other is an emphatic command; it means to deprive, or to keep back something by means of fraud. Why did Paul use the word defraud? In a healthy marriage, there is the need to love and to be loved, and a healthy desire for each other. If one does not care about his or her spouse’s desire, it is to deprive or “cheat” them of something he or she has entered into the covenantal marriage for.
Fasting and Prayer
But there is one exception, if both of them have consented for a limited time: to devote themselves to fasting and prayer. The sexual relationship is a reality in marriage, but it is not the only and chief reality. Our relationship with the living God is the most important part. Christ must be first in our lives; the person we are married to, does not take first place in our lives. Since that is true, then there may come a time in one’s marriage life when he or she needs (in a very focused way, to devote all of his or her time and energy) to fast and pray. In such times, both parties will agree to put aside their sexual relationship for a limited time, to concentrate on this spiritual activity - to fast and pray.
Take for example, a couple who has a child who is wayward and has gone astray. He has stopped attending church worship and fellowship, and the couple wants to spend all their time and energy to concentrate on fasting and praying for the child to return to the Lord. What do they do when they fast? They will abstain from eating and drinking, right? In the same way, they do not want their focus to be distracted by any hindrances, so they also abstain from sexual desires.
Consent – But they have to do that with consent, which means both parties must agree. They must prayerfully discuss this matter, understand the physical and spiritual implications, and agree on the spiritual activity to fast and pray.
Limited time – However, it is only for a limited period, for a time. It cannot be practised for a prolonged period of time. After they have fasted and prayed, they come together again, which means they resume the normal sexual relationship within the marriage covenant again.
Spiritual dangers – Why do they do that? Because they understand the spiritual dangers, so that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency (or self-control). The reason why they do not deprive each other for a prolonged period of time is because they have a real spiritual enemy. Satan will try his very best to destroy the marriage, and they must not behave as if they are immune to the spiritual danger of yielding to temptation.
For example, there are some husbands whose wives refuse to give them attention, or have any sexual relationships with them. Subsequently, these husbands fell into the willing arms of their female colleagues in the workplaces. The same attention, care and relationship they could not find in their wives, they found it somewhere else; in their secretaries, or female friends, or internet chatrooms, and so forth. We are not saying they can be excused; they have sinned. But the point is that Satan is like a roaring lion waiting to devour us if we are not careful.
Dear friend, it is good to remain single or married because it is God’s will for you. If it is God’s proper gift for you, then you must use it wisely.
Are you someone who is single and you have not thought of singleness in a biblical way? You see it as a curse, and you are dissatisfied. You spend all your time thinking about getting married, and you are jealous and envious of your friends who have gotten married. You do not see your singleness as part of God’s will, and you do not see your singleness as something good.
Are you someone who is married, but you have not lived in sexual faithfulness? You are unfaithful in your responsibility to your spouse, and you do not care for him or her, and you are just living to fulfil your own desires.
Ask the Lord to forgive and strengthen you so that you may live your life to fulfil His ultimate purpose. To glorify Him in whatever marital state you are in, whether in singleness or in marriage.
With love in Christ,
Pastor Paul Cheng
1 CORINTHIANS 7Singleness Or Marriage (Part 1)Singleness Or Marriage (Part 1)1 Corinthians 7:1, 6-7
Singleness Or Marriage (Part 2)Singleness Or Marriage (Part 2)1 Corinthians 7:2-5
Divorce and Remarriage (Part 1)Divorce and Remarriage (Part 1)1 Corinthians 7:10-11
Divorce and Remarriage (Part 2)Divorce and Remarriage (Part 2)1 Corinthians 7:12-16, 39
Be Faithful to Your Calling (Part 1)Be Faithful to Your Calling (Part 1)1 Corinthians 7:17-19, 21-23
Be Faithful to Your Calling (Part 2)Be Faithful to Your Calling (Part 2)1 Corinthians 7:20, 24
Should I Remain Single (Part 1)Should I Remain Single (Part 1)1 Corinthians 7:25-28
Should I Remain Single (Part 2)Should I Remain Single (Part 2)1 Corinthians 7:29-31
An Undivided Devotion To The Lord (Part 2)An Undivided Devotion To The Lord (Part 2)1 Corinthians 7:36-40
An Undivided Devotion To The Lord (Part 1)An Undivided Devotion To The Lord (Part 1)1 Corinthians 7:36-40